Witty father....

A teenage guy's experience..... Witty father....


Took my elderly dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 84).
 
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.  
 
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
 
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green , red , orange , and blue .  
 
My dad kept staring at him.  
 
The teenager would look and find him staring every time.  
 
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked:
 
'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'  
 
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.  
 
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:
  'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'    

Mr.X at his best.... Lolz....

Mr.X sat for an Entrance exam in Medical university, professor killed himself reading his answers....

Let's take a look at what he wrote there.... :)

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings.

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.

Caesarean section - a district in Rome.

Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.

Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.

Chronic - neck of a crow.

Coma - punctuation mark.

Cortisone - area around local court.

Cyst - short for sister.

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.

Dislocation - in this place.

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.

Enema - not a friend.

Fake labour - pretending to work.

Genes - blue denim.

Hernia - she is close by.

Impotent - distinguished/ well known.

Labour pain - hurt at work.

Lactose - people without toes.

Lymph - walk unsteadily.

Microbes - small dressing gown.

Obesity - city of Obe.

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.

Proteins - in favour of teens.

Pulse - grain.

Pus - small cat.

Red blood count - Dracula.

Secretion - hiding anything.

Tablet - small table.

Ultrasound - radical noise.

Urine - opposite of you're out.

Varicose - very close.

(100% intended for harmless humour.) 

Love at first sight? Lol....

Can anybody define what is love is love at first sight?

I know it's really tough...

But I'm brave enough to show you the meaning....

Come on guys....

Let's scroll down....

Scroll down....

Scroll down....

Scroll down.....

Bit more please....

Don't be shy, bit more again....

This is it......... :)

Calling customer care?

Calling customer care is harder than anything....

Just take a look.....

(click the image to enlarge it)

Application Form For The "Upcoming Parliament Election"

(Application Form to Be Filled For Contesting Upcoming Parliament Election)




1.Name of Candidate: _____________________


2.Present Address:
(i.)Name of Jail: _____________________
(ii.)Cell Number: _____________________


3.Political Party: _____________________
*List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order)


5.Nationality: [ ]
A- Sri Lankan
B- American


6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A- Defected
B- Expelled
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above


7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue
(If you choose "D", attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized Government Psychiatrist)


8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
B- 2-6yrs
C- 6-15yrs
D- 15+yrs


9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)


10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question
A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
D- 15+years


11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
C- Definitely
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.


12.What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
C- Overflow...
(Convert all your $ earning from Rupees)


13. Do you have any developmental plans for Sri Lanka in mind? [ ]
A- No
B- No
C- No
D- No


14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
[_________]


Issued in public interest by Election Commission Sri Lanka.

Very official love letter...

To
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. At 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. 

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)

Wanna wear shorts or trouser?

Lol.... English at it's best.... - INTERESTING PHONE CONVERSATION...

K-"Who's calling?"
W-"Watt."
K-"What is your name, please?"
W-"Watt's my name."
K-"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
W-"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."

A long pause, and then from Watt,

W-"Is this James Brown?"
K-"No, this is Knott."
W-"Please tell me your name."
K-"Will Knott."

W-Why not?
K-Huh? What do you mean why not?
W-Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?
K-But I told you my name!
W-Didn't you say you will not?
K-Not not, knott, Will Knott!
W-That's what I mean.
K-So you know my name.
W-Of course not!
K-Good. So now, what is yours?
W-Watt. Yours?
K-Your name!
W-Watt's my name.
K-How the hell do I know? I am asking you!
W-Look I have been very patient and I have told you my
name and you have no t even told me yours yet.
K-You have been patient, what about me? I have told
you my name so many times and it is you who have not
told me yours yet.
W-Of course not!
K-See, you even know my name!
W-Of course not!
K-Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?
W-Because I don't.

[Pause]

K-What is your name?
W-See, you know my name!
K-Of course not!
W-Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?
K-To find out your name!
W-But you already know it!
K-What?
W-See, and you know mine!
K-Of course not!
W-Exactly!

K-Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name
is, what will be your answer?
W-Watt's my name.
K-No, no, give me only one word.
W-Watt
K-Your name!
W-Right!

[pause before it hits him]

K-Oh, Wright!
W-Yeah!
K-So why didn't you say it before?
W-I told you so many times!
K-You never said Wright before
W-Of course I did.
K-Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?
W-I do not.
K-Well, there you go, now we know each other's name.
W-I do not!
K-Gud!

[pause before it hits him]

W-Oh, Gud!
K-Gud.
W-No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?
K-No, it's Knott!
W-Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Gud.
K-Yes Wright.

Women are better at Financial Planning...

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, ' but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'

She was impressed and requested his business card, then three days later became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men!


Amen to that!



TFSUVNFGR4JT