MONKEY IN THE PLANE

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: 'When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Tying their belts'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Saying Hello! Good morning!'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Checking the system'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Looking for my people'

Officer: 'After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Having beverages and snacks'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Serving the travelers'

Officer: 'What were the Pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Eating & throwing'

Officer: 'After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Some were sleeping and some were reading'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Make up'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Nothing'

Officer: 'Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'All were sleeping'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the air hostess'

Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! !

No more Questions!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!

This is how Israel win battles...

If they choose girls like these, who fill fight?

Just SURRENDER.......

This is how girls turn down guys.

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

Customercare in 2020...

Operator:  Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your...

Customer:  Hello, can I order...?

Operator:  Can I have your multipurpose card number first, Sir?

Customer:  It's eh..., hold.......... on...... 867456477546-788-46464

Operator:  OK... you're... Mr.K.Gopi and you're calling from No. 234, Kandy Road, Vavuniya. Your home number is 338675, your office 57545347 and your mobile is 78346346743648. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Customer:  Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator:  We are connected to the system Sir...

Customer:  May I order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator:  That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer:  How come?

Operator:  According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir.

Customer:  What? What do you recommend then?

Operator:  Try our Low Fat Onion Pizza. You'll like it.

Customer:  How do you know for sure?

Operator:  You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Onion Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir.

Customer:  OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator:  That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99.

Customer: Can I pay by! Credit card?

Operator:  I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $ 4067.33.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer:  I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.

Operator:  You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today.

Customer:  Never mind just send the pizzas; I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?

Operator:  About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle...

Customer:  What!

Operator:  According to the details in system, you own a Hero Honda, Splender, registration number NP ZZ 5768...

Customer:   ?

Operator:  Is there anything else Sir?

Customer:  Nothing.  By the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?

Operator:  We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.......

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator:  Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?

Customer: [Faints...

What happened to lions?

We all know that Sri Lanka cricket team got the award for playing according to the spirit of the game in last couple of years. But it doesn’t look like we gonna get it this time. Captain cool, Sanga, is a hot-headed captain nowadays.

During the last Pakistan test series, Sanga was ruled out LBW by the umpire of the bowling of Saeed Ajmal. But, the ball pitched outside the leg stump and it was heading down the leg side. It wasn’t out. That’s for sure. But Sanga was shaking his head and reluctant to leave the crease. He was murmuring something when he was leaving the pitch.

In the one day internationals against Pakistan, it got worse.

When Abdul Razzaq squeezed a single from a throw that reflected off Razzaq’s bat, Sanga came into action and yelled Razzaq for getting that single. Cricketers usually don’t run for it, nut replays suggested that Razzaq didn’t notice the reflect from his bat. If even he was wrong, how Sanga can yell him? If Razzaq didn’t behave with sportsmanship, then how about Sanga?

When Afridi did the same, former king, Mahela, did the same in the next match.

No one will forget Sanga’s argument with Pakistan captain to leave the pitch, when the umpire wrongly gave him not-out.

Also Murali sledged couple of times and gave send-off to some Pakistan batsmen.

This happens within the team also.

In the second ODI, Sanath ran Sanga out. It was a poor call from Sanath. He called Sanga first and then sent-back Sanga later. After this match, Sanath was rested (they say like it’s a rest) for the next match.

Also Sanga yelled at Lasith Malinga when he bowled couple of bad balls.

Yesterday, Murali played football in the field without fielding them and when a ball reflected off Herath’s hand, he was too slow to go and get the ball.

We, as many other Lankan fans, congratulate our team to climb in the test rankings. But we want the spirit also.

We want a cool team without any problems.

I hope that Sanga will be back to his cool tempo soon.

They say it's mocking...

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

Practice makes man perfect. nobody is perfect... then why practice?

If I save time, when do I get it back?

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

Best way to prevent a hangover is to stay drunk.

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate
but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

I was born intelligent... education ruined me.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station... Whatmore can I say!

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
I can work fascinates, I can watch people working for hours...

The Best of Proverbs:
   Should women have children after 35?
   No, 35 children are enough

Living on Earth may be expensive...but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun....!

Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep!

SMOKING KILLS SLOWLY. So what? Who's in a hurry?

A drunk was hauled into court.
  "Mister", the judge began, "you've been brought here for drinking...."
  "Great," the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started ?

May I know the time please?!

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to lose, if you tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?

Old Man: See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will
ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtesy, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach, you will try to come again. This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?

Young Man: Possible

Old Man: made it Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles. 

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and star waiting for you. After meeting regularly, you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man: Oh, Yes! and smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a Watch...

Second shy? Oh dear!

I had my Advanced level exams last couple of weeks. It was my second shy. I made a mess of my first shy. Therefore, I forced to do it. It is a terrible feeling to have in this age. People usually say that we should not have experience when we marry someone, but I say add this also. When I entered the exam hall, everything was familiar to me including filling the admission card, answer sheet front page, etc...
However, the exam papers were new to me. I never got the feeling like, 'Oh my goodness! I already have done this question once'.  I am/ I was studying Biology stream. I had Biology, Physics, and Chemistry. Also had General English and Common General Paper alias General knowledge exams.
I love C.G.P, English and Chemistry. Nevertheless, the problem was those three subjects were the last. In Physics and Biology, I hate Physics more. However, Physics was ok than Biology. Because Biology Part one alias MCQ paper was bloody hard, I could not even understand most of the questions while some brilliant guys had problems in picking the answers.
However, my second shy is almost finished, just C.G.P is remaining. Therefore, I decided to start blogging in English and resume blogging in Tamil, which is my mother tongue.
So, meet you again with some useful (do not laugh. I will try my best) posts.
Take care.

Be careful...